Wrong Time
by tyltyl
Summary: Jirou witness something that he never wanted to see. [AtoJi with maybe some very small hintings at OshiAto.]


**Title:** Wrong Time  
**By: **Naru ;;  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own any rights on PoT aka Tennis no Oijisama... because if I did... a lot of things would be different and some things would change;;  
**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at a fic... Be gentle bows R/R 3

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I guess I chose the wrong time to come over and visit him that day. It must have been my fault to know about it, about what was really going on when I wasn't there. What was he was doing behind my back. This must have been the price I needed to pay for something I've must have done. To see the one person I've ever cared for with another, to hear their pants, their moan, and their groans. It must have been both my fault and my due for something I must have done. I know this for the door wasn't even locked as I blindly wandered into the room, so I do know that what I heard was not misleading, or could have been a mistake. Ash blond hair and dark hair mixing together as their bodies created heated friction.

And for the first time in my life, I didn't sleep at all that night. Nor did I sleep for the next few days.

Perhaps I was just fooling myself when I thought that everything would be ok as long as I kept smiling and pretending that it never happened. Maybe I was just too shocked to believe that it really happened. Maybe it was just me… Yet, the more I think about it, the more I see that it really was me. It was my fault that I let it get to me… I don't want anyone to know though… I don't want anyone to notice that I'm breaking inside, so I'll pretend like it never happened.

I'll pretend that horrible night with the moans and the pounding never happened. I'll pretend that I never saw it. I'll pretend like I just imagined everything. That is what I'll do, so that no one will notice that I'm not quite here when I look at them. When I talk to them. As I listen to their stories… I'll act as nothing happened to me or between them.

I'll forget everything and just rest my eyes and drift away to a world were everything was as it was before, before everything happened. Before I knew of what dark secrets were being kept from me… Before I felt like I needed to rip my skin off and before I felt filthy.

I'll remain at his side, watching his moves and admiring him a far as I should have done. Watching and not interfering nor commenting on whatever he decides to do, however he decides to live or who to sleep with. I'll just stand idly by…slowly breaking inside.

It's been a week since my eyes witnessed that…that… sight. I guess no one's notice that I've done nothing but waste away in my dreams; or if they do, they are just ignoring me. I want to know what they are saying about me, but at the same time I don't. I don't want to know what they are telling to one another, I don't want to know their white lies. Speaking of lies, I've noticed many things as I watch him from the sidelines. I occasionally am blessed with a moment of those beautiful blue eyes, and just for a moment I wish I could have gone back the way things once were. The eyes have started to turn their gaze at me more frequently as the days past by. Maybe he's finally noticing a change in my behavior? Or perhaps I'm just raising my hopes for nothing once again.

No…. not this time. Those blue eyes are making their way towards me now. Something inside of me tells me that I should run, and another part tells me that I should stay. Torn between the two, I just lie there and wait to see what those eyes have to tell me.

"Jirou." They stare right through me. It feels just as he's looking right into my mind. Seeing what makes me tick. I really didn't like his insight so much anymore…

"Aah…?" I replied to him, my eyes avoiding his gaze. Those eyes soften at me as they had not done in a long, long time and he moved closer to me stretching a hand towards me. I was so tempted to take that hand and let it touch me as it once did before, but fought my temptation and shied away from its addicting sensation.

He must have finally, if not from my actions before, noticed that there was something wrong with me, for he started to frown at me. That frown, those eyes and that touch… I had to refuse it all. "You've been a little off, is everything alright?"

I almost scoffed at him, but I don't do that and I dislike people that do scoff at others. Yet it was rather painful knowing that it took him this long to figure out that there was something amiss about me. Some buchou he was.

"Hhmm? No… there's nothing wrong with me… just been a little sleepier than normal…" My reply was of something I would have said if the situation had not been unknowingly changed. Though the frown on his face did not disappear, if not anything, it only worsened. It brought forth mixed feelings.

"You're not lying to me, are you Jirou?" his stare lost its tenderness and left me with a cold gaze. It was not intimidating as it was intended to be. It hurt.

Forcing forth a yawn, I answered him. "Mmhmm… Just tired…" I hated lying… but it seemed like that was the only thing I could do right then and there. I wish I could have said something more provoking. Something that I had wanted to say. I wish I could have. But I told myself those things never happened and that I wouldn't care what happens to him. I'm no longer a part of his life. In fact I never was.

Yet for some reason he wouldn't let me go with that. I suppose he has known me too long to allow me to get away with such things… He gave me a firm icy glare. "Jirou… you sleep a lot. That I will admit to, but you're just… not normal…"

Not normal? Well didn't that come to me as a shocker. Of course I wasn't normal. Who would be normal after seeing what I did. The one person I truly admired… the one person I really could have said I loved, in fact I think I did say that one point in time… I wish now that I had never said it though.

How was I supposed to answer him? I could have, and I wanted to say everything that was on my mind. But I couldn't do that. That would mean the past few weeks would have been pointless. It would all be pointless…

"I'm fine; you just worry too much…" I forced forward a laugh and a smile. The entire happy, carefree exterior was forced. Like forcing a cat into water was how I felt. I knew that if I didn't however, I would be ruined and drown.

Still. He didn't believe it. Those ice eyes of his stared at me. I could only guess what he really saw compared to what I was saying. It made me want to just tell him everything that was wrong and let it all out so that I didn't have to have him staring at me like that. And hope with all of my false hopes that he would take care of me and tell me how foolish and stupid I was being… I wanted him to tell me that everything I saw was just some bad dream.

But I knew it wasn't a dream and that if he did take care of me, I would just be setting myself up again.

He kept frowning and I kept smiling and denying everything that he asked me. It was like we were playing '20 Questions' with only one person really playing. It was like we were doing a one person tango. He was reaching for my hand and I was slapping it away. No matter what he said or asked me. I dodged them. I didn't answer him, and when I did answer the answer I gave was vague. I didn't want him to know me. Not anymore, at least.

Yet… he acted as if he still wanted to know me… that he wanted something to do with me. Even though I was basically giving him the cold shoulder, but in the way it would seem though as I was simply just not being very responsive, he still wanted to know what was wrong with me though I had answered him so many times already that I was 'fine', he refused to give up.

It made me want to forget that incident and run back to those blue eyes and that touch that made me melt right in his arms. I just wanted to run back to him with all of my faith in him, believing that he would never hurt me. That he would never leave me… Oh how I just wanted to believe that and be completely and utterly faithfully blind to him.

But I can't.

I've tried so hard to forget about it. I've tried everything in the book and then some to tell myself that it was just some sort of bad dream that it was a false reality of which I had somehow fallen into. Lies, I wish that they were all but cruel, cruel lies that my mind was playing on me, or horrible joke that someone had played on me.

Everything… Anything… I don't care, just something besides what I saw.

Then an interesting comment came up as were now arguing about. Trust. He had asked me if I trusted him anymore. Such ironic words he spoke to me.

"Don't you trust me, Jirou?" He had said.

My only reply to him was, "I've never doubted you before in my entire life…" and it was true. I had known him since he was ruler of the playground, not like I knew him well then, but I did know of him. All of those years, I had never doubted him.

I was played for a fool.

He sighed and shook his head at me. I suppose he was starting to give up on me. Which brought up even more confusing thoughts and feelings; it was about time that he should have given up on me, but I didn't want him to give up on me. Ever.

Caught up within my mind and my thoughts, I did not have time to react to his sudden embrace that I later found myself in. Having his arms wrapped around my slender build and holding me close to him was a familiar sensation that I knew well and wanted more of, yet at the same time I wanted nothing to do with it. This was so… so out of character of him. To just grab me and pull me against his body.

"Wh…what are you doing?" I squeaked. My voice cracked as I began to feel my defenses loosening, almost disappearing into nothing.

He said nothing to me and just held me tighter. What was going on with him? Why had he not just given up on me and forgotten about our tedious argument about my well-being? Why was he holding me…now? Now when I didn't want him to even touch me, or know me.

Why now?

"Jirou…just tell me the truth…what's bothering you?" he finally answered breaking the silence. Something came over me at that exact moment he finished his sentence. I felt like such an idiot and that I hated everything that I had been doing to myself. I had begun to doubt all of my actions. I wanted nothing to do with it anymore.

Struggling and fighting against his gripe on me, I managed to free myself and fled. I ran as far and as fast as I could away from him. I didn't want to set myself up for anymore pain. I didn't want to allow myself to forget everything that has happen, just so that I could satisfy my urges. I didn't want any of it. I just wanted to escape.

Just before getting lost in my mind once more, I heard the beating of hurried footsteps behind me. "Leave me alone!" I shouted back at him, stopping for a brief moment. "I don't want to talk to you anymore…just… just leave me alone!"

I was being childish, whining, crying and complaining about everything that wasn't going in my favor. As much as I was acting as a child I refused to cry, it was the last thing I wanted to do in front of him. I would have crawled into a hole and died, than let him see how much he truly affected me.

"No. I won't… especially since I know that there's something wrong with you now…" he replied still trying to catch up with me.

"But I want nothing to do with you…" I stated in an unusual coldness. My movements completely stopping right then, this was just how I was behaving to everything that was going in my mind. I was in denial and running away because I didn't want to hear something that would have hurt me more than I had already been.

His steps slowed down as he got closer to me. We had ran away far from the Tennis courts and where standing in the shade behind the building that was known as the Gym.

"Why don't you want anything to do with me?" he asked me calmly. Daring not to touch me this time around; I guessed that he was afraid that I might start off running again.

"It's nothing….you can just forget that this never happened…"

He frowned at me; it seemed like that was all he was doing lately. Frowning and worrying about me. Was I even correct about that? I shrugged it off believing that it was my delusional self playing tricks on me. Getting my hopes high over nothing.

"I can't do that because it did happen."

Did he not understand what it means when a person says that they don't want anything to do with them? Perhaps he was too busy making me feel insecure and giving me false hopes to realize what I was really saying. I didn't want to trust that person anymore. I wanted him to stay away from me, and never touch me ever again. Not physically, not mentally.

"Jirou, just tell me what's wrong. It's a simple question." He added during my silence. I didn't and wouldn't say anything. I thought that maybe if I remained quiet he would give up on me and leave. But his eyes were taunting me, filling me with feelings which I knew would only hurt me again.

I broke under that gaze.

"But that doesn't mean it'll come with a simple answer…"

Those entrancing eyes diverted their glance after those words escaped my mouth. Perhaps he was finally beginning to give up? No, that wasn't it as I soon later found out. He was diverting them so that he could think of ways to take me and break me.

"Make it simple then Jirou."

Now, I wanted to run again, but I knew that he would just follow me. It was a futile situation for the both of us. There was no way I would talk to him about that, and there was no way that he was going to leave me anytime soon as well… Couldn't he just leave me? I felt both angry at his reply to me and sadden. Did he think that I wasn't capable of experiencing problems that could not be easily solved? Did he think that I was some child that was oblivious to what everything that was going on? What kind of fool did he think I was?

The answer to that was yes.

I didn't want to see him anymore. I never wanted to see that graceful face blessed with all kinds of beauty ever again from that moment on. My head suddenly hanging low, I began to walk away from him, my shoulder knocking against his as I passed him by.

"Jirou?" was the last thing I heard.


End file.
